Disconnected

The white sheets were loosely placed on her soul, her body laid untouched with her hollow eyes staring out the window with the moon gazing at her. The room echoed with silence, the mind of a 21 year old was frozen with darkness. Smoke from a burned out candle was smelt throughout the room, Fallen closed her lips not breathing in the vile air. Her brown eyes disconnected from the world around her, the reality placed upon her was distant. A gloom feeling rushed through her veins as she didn’t move from the comfort of the bed, she no longer cried, Fallen no longer held a beating heart. Fallen lost all sanity, Fallen had lost her core that morning, ripped right out of her chest and shoved 6 feet underground…

Slowly the days memories flooded in, crashing down the mental walls she’d used all her strength to put up. The lifeless body that no longer breathed the air around, Fallen was sentenced away. Fallen was filled with disgust at the thought of her mother being buried underground & it caused her to numb as she remembered watching the coffin lower. The scars of the event that had seized the life from another human being were permanent on her body till the day she died, & at the rate Fallen was going she figured it wouldn’t be long.

Death was watching & Fallen was not afraid.

———

Simple, it was all very simple. Fallen’s fingers opened letting a simple lighter fall into the igniting passion rising from the wood in front of her. The memories burned along with her soul; watching everything burn. Dreams, love, friendship – pointless things we’d obtained in our lives’ that wouldn’t be there when we died. The truth was everyone in this world is too consumed with themselves than the better of someone else, we’re selfish inhuman souls. “Not worth a breath,” Fallen’s eyes rose to the night sky with the flames in front of her, closing her eyes she just stood there. Inhaling the smoke she’d created from burning everything that mattered once in her life – including herself.

 

“How are you feeling today, Fallen?” He held his note book in his lap, gazing over at the brunette sitting in the chair across from him. He preferred to see how his clients reacted to better understand them. However Fallen posed a problem, nothing Ray tried seemed to work for the young women, she simply didn’t connect.

Her fingers trailed down the arm of the chair, she didn’t look at him. Fallen was feeling the texture of the chair once again, the lines and how they felt under her fingertips. Her mind trailed to the people who made the object, who they were and why on earth they chose to make the lines connect in hundreds of ways. How did they figure out how to make… it come together so gracefully? “Why did you become a doctor?”

Ray’s answer was obvious, simple but still the same answer Fallen always questioned for a deeper meaning. “To help people.” Those deep brown eyes lifted to him and for only a second he saw a glimmer in them, and in her eyes he saw an emotion he hadn’t been able to figure out yet.

“To help people…” The words echoed in her mind, as they trailed off her lips. “I use to help my mother, and brother. Jensen, you met him three months ago.” She licked her lips. “Do you ever wonder what it’ll be like when you die?”

Ray blinked a few times; his throat became dry as she tilted her head to hear his answer. She had more questions than answers, the more he talked to her the less he understood but for some reason she always came back every week to talk. Fallen pushed her hairs away from her face as she stood up and walked to the window. Ray pushed her comment away for the time being and asked her a new question, something he realized was the only way to connect to her. “What do you see out there Fallen?”

“Life…”

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