I feel I owe everyone an apology.
I haven’t been blogging very much, hardly if I’m going to be honest. It is not that I did not want too. So I’ll confess that I have been in a mind lock. I avoided talking about it because I, truly did feel better. I conquered quite a few demons over the last few months.
I’ve grown to speak up against things that aren’t right. I’ve learned to share my opinions and not feel guilty about doing so. I’ve grown more confident in myself, in my future and about my voice. A lot of that is due to your support, this blog, and those closest to me.
Yet, I have to also realize that while things may be great – I may not. I suffer from severe depression. I work hard to maintain a healthy mind set but sometimes even with support, a hopeful outlook and medicine; I don’t feel better. I feel a bit mad.
Lately things have been rough. Things are changing and I get lost within the moments that pass by. I keep a diary of sort to keep up on my mental health, it’s important to me. I don’t want to let it go down the drain as I had in the past. There’s so much I want to accomplish in this life.
When times like these occur I get a bit overwhelmed and feel guilty. I’m all about empowering and overcoming. I believe in being honest about our struggles and helping each other work through them. I do have to trust myself at times and accept that it’s about being ready to do so.
I, like others, sometimes lose the ability to embrace the connections surrounding me. As if I’m staring out a window, stuck and in the dark. Part of me wishes to be outside the other prefers to stay hidden. There’s nothing wrong with either side. It’s not a bad thing to want to hide away for a while, escape reality and just hate the world.
However, I started to drown in oblivion. That is when I knew that little bit of bad is no longer any good. I suppose the problem sometimes is that “How can I get out of this? How can I escape the fear?” Everyone’s different, and often there’s really no answer. We just have to head forth and take it day by day.
I do want to say I am sorry for neglecting this blog and everyone who has supported it. (Can I say it’s not you, it’s me without being cheesy?) I cannot promise it will not happen again. I truly like to keep my promises but accepting this is not one of them has been sad. I figured it was time to share this and move on from it.
I’m not cured, I may never fully be able to leave my depression behind. I cannot predict the future but I can in vision it. I want to continue to fight even when I fall down.
Oh! By the way. Where are all the damn cookies? I was promised such when I’m on the dark side. Seriously. I want my damn cookies…